We are still not separated on paper but living separate under one roof since quite some time now. And yes, I do not hesitate to accept that I do miss him…sometimes a lot. Whatever has happened has happened but missing him is something I can’t help myself with.
I have tried a lot not to think about him, let alone miss him but in vain. When he hurt me a lot, I used to think about all the bad times, the fights we had and felt miserable. I spent sleepless nights, cried to sleep numerous times. Then there was a time when fights came to an end and followed a period of silence..utter silence… as if there are no words left to be said.
It was during these times and now that I think about the good times we spent together. Even looking at him makes me crave for his love sometimes. It hurts so much that I feel my heart will explode. And he seems to be totally unaffected by it. And that is what tortures me literally. And I think more and more about the good times. I feel like I am just stuck in a loop and there is no way out.
I don’t think i can stop missing the good times (and bad) unless i do not see him around me physically atleast. Otherwise, he is still a part of my life and somewhere buried deep inside, he will always be in some form or another.