Category Archives: Love

I still love him… will always do so… but I don’t want him anymore!

I recently came to know that my marriage was all about money, long before I realised it and in a much worse way than I could ever imagine!

He took money from account and gave it to his family! Well, that’s not what I want to write about in this post. What has happened has happened! I loved him, with all I had and being my first love , he is not easy to forget. I still do love him and I don’t think I can ever stop doing so! This thing and feeling amazes me as well! But yes, its true, I do love him.

There is a big difference though. I don’t long for him now… not anymore. I don’t think about him when I see people in love, I don’t miss him.. I don’t imagine y life with him or without him. I have detached myself from him. It’s hard to understand these things. I would not believe myself that it is possible to feel so if it had not happened to me personally.

Whatever happens, happens for good! Good to know that it was never a true love from his side. My heart goes out to all the people who go through these things!


What else can he take from me??


Life after breakup or during the ugly time when you are trying to come out is very difficult. I have heard lot of people telling me that I am lucky that I am (or will be) out of this miserable relationship before its too late! The fact that I am still at an age where I can find new partner, no having kids, having a successful career are the things they count for in my favour!

I have another, not so optimistic, perspective on this whole thing.  For me , sometimes it is like is there anything anyone else can take away from me?? I loved him with all my heart and soul, did everything possible to keep and make him happy and still it all failed catastrophically!

Today, I am in a situation where,

— I feel no-one ever loves anyone, it’s all give and take.

— I think no one is trustworthy.

— I think goodness is not for real. People who seem nice are too good to be true!

— I doubt, doubt and doubt every person, especially the male species.

— I think behind every good thing said or done to me by anyone, there is some false evil intention.

After all this, do breakups ever prove to be good. Maybe the time will tell!


Not Happy but not even that miserable!!


Living separate from my husband (even writing this now has a strange feeling!) , I am slowly discovering that life is possible without him. I can’t say that I am happy because I do feel lonely! But, I can definitely say that I am not as miserable as I was with him. And, that really does matter to how I look at things in my life now!

A research showed that out of 10 marriages in world, 3 are happy, 3 end up in divorce and the rest 4 are the most miserable ones. These are the ones in which partners are not happy with each other but still try to keep the dead relationship alive. it might due to several reasons, social pressure, financial security, having no other options or being too optimistic that things might be OK one day. I am fortunate that I have not ended up in such situation.

People say that nothing remains forever. Good times or bad times… all are phases in life!! I hope life will unfold a pleasant surprise for me soon!!

I will never be judgemental again!!


People change a lot after going through breakups and divorces and so have I.

It’s so easy to pass comments over some one or what someone did. it feels like a great sense of achievement. But in true sense, no one ever has right or enough sense to do so, that’s what I have learnt in last few months.

No one has gone through what you have… no one can really feel your pain or emotions , however close the person is to you! I can say that based on my own experience. I still miss my husband and the moments I spent with him. However bad he does to me, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop missing him. I am often scolded by my dad and friends about the way I feel for him because they think I hurt myself and are amazed at how can I still love him like that! All of them have a list of Do’s and Dont’s for me about him.

The reason is very very simple, none of them have shared what I have him, so how can they even think of judging whether my feelings for him are justified or not! It’s just not fair.

After this realisation, I have felt a change in myself. I never quote someone as right or wrong. A married person , unhappy in marriage, wants to be with me. It used to trouble me for long …how could he do this? How could he even think about it? But do I know at he has gone through?? why should I judge him by what he feels or thinks? Whether I want to be with him or not is a different story but wanting or not wanting something..liking or disliking something is never wrong!

All of us have different personalities, different aspirations, challenges and we have been through different experiences which has made us what we are today! We are all good in our own way and bad in our own way!

Do you also feel like that sometimes??

I am more hurt when my loved ones are hurt because of my breakup…


Breakups are never easy..for anyone, not even for the person who initiates it! I never initiated it and was against it right from the beginning, which did really hurt me a lot…actually ripped my heart off initially.

It took me a while to accept that it’s never going to work now. I made a kind of silent agreement with my destiny. It’s  part of life, happens to lot of people and all the generic consolations. And for the great and supportive friends, I was not that bad, I mean I have seen people in worse conditions than me.

But, I can never forgive him and whoever it is for hurting my family… my parents and my sister. They have not done anything wrong, why should they suffer. I know they can’t be happy when life is being so unfair with me like this. But, they haven’t done anything to deserve this. They feel my pain…and maybe feel it more..that’s what family and love is all about I guess.

This is the reason I want to show him what pain is like. I closely knit family, its only the relation that breaks, lots of hearts, hopes are broken too. And somethings can never be mended!

I will make sure that the person who hurt my loved ones goes through the same pain, not because I want to take revenge but because if you do something wrong, it comes back to you in some form 

Am I wrong and wicked when I think like this?? Should I be feeling guilty ??

Can you ever forget someone you loved?

NO. Yes that’s right! One can never forget one’s love..however short-lived it was..however bitter the breakup was…whatever the misunderstandings existed. The feelings linger on forever.

Atleast this is what is happening to me and I know it’s the same for him as well. He doesn’t accept it because of his male ego and I have stopped expressing because of fear of rejection. It’s so true about whatever they say about LOVE:

Love is blind … yes, you just love someone..without thinking about consequences.

Love never dies… it’s such a beautiful feeling even when it is hurtful!

Everything is fair in love and war….yes…it always treats you with extremes of feelings…pleasure or sorrow.

Love only changes forms….from passion to need  to craving to deep care… but it stays there forever. And as long as its there, it continues to make your life worthwhile!!

Loving someone or loving back someone…


It’s certainly not easy to witness couples holding hands, hugging each other and showing affection publicly when I have an utterly broken heart. It often makes me think of who I will be with few years from now??

As of now, I think I have lost my capability to love someone, completely. I question myself so much and judge others so much that love seems a far away thing for me. I have no courage to confess my love for someone in case I like someone. It’s not only fear of rejection but also the fear of being hurt again that I feel so lost.

Maybe I cannot love someone, but I still feel that I can love back if someone loves me. That I guess is also a great thing to happen. If someone confides in me with his heart, I think I can give back deserved love. The only question is will it last long enough?? Will it be fulfilling enough?? Will I not make the same mistake as I made five years ago??

Tim has made me wiser , for sure. I hope I can be happy again, can love and be loved 🙂

Have you found love again after breakups?? Was it better than ever and made you happy in life again? Would love to hear stories to get some positivity in my life too..