This broken relation has taught me quite a lot and am sill learning.
There’s this funny thing in the way horoscopes are matched in India and one of things that are matched is “Grah- Maitri” which translates to “Friendship at Home”.
It really makes me ponder over one element missing in my failed marriage. Yes, Friendship!!
We were never good friends with each other. We were husband and wife, Man and woman, but friends….never. When I talked to him, very often I used to think before speaking. conversation did not flow on its own. Even when things were not so bad, there was a feeling in back of the mind about what will he think, should I really say/do this, how will he react?? This just takes out all the comfort and warmth from a relation.
I wanted to speak my mind with him, just be MYSELF all the time… I wanted to show him my best as well as my worst! Maybe, he wanted the same?? But, it never did turn out to be a beautiful friendship. Rather, it was a marriage without friendship!
I hope I have learnt some lesson and my next partner will be my best buddy before anything else!!
Broken relationships are bad for both the parties, but still dumper is on a vantage position as compared to the dumpee. I can this from my personal experience as I am on the disadvantaged side :(.
When someone dumps you, he/she has already taken a decision so they don’t really have to face he struggle of “moving over” or “moving out of it”. And take my words of it, it’s harder than the breakup itself. It gets even harder when the dumper does not give you the reasons for it and you really don’t know why you were being dumped!
I have never dumped someone (have been in only one relationship and that has proved to be daunting enough for me) , so I cannot comment on how that side of fence looks like but I feel pretty certain its better than what I feel for myself now. Atleast they wouldn’t think about the questions that I have in my mind:
— Why the hell was I dumped???
— Why did it happen so suddenly.. as it being planned since long and I was the only moron who din’t have a clue?
— What now?? How do I forget him/her??
— Will he/she come back??
— Should I try to bring him /her back??
— How long should I wait before its very certain that IT IS OVER??
And many more……
I am not saying dumpee is the only person who suffers…but they certainly suffer more! So, be smart and be the dumper next time … lol ..kidding!!
New things and beginnings are always exciting. People have things to look forward to and plan and think about.
I too started a kind of new life today. But mine is a different case. I have moved out of my house today..it was a home for me once upon a time!! It turned into just a house few months ago after so many issues and complexities. Never thought those shit things could happen to me. Alas, those few months were the hardest of my life!!
Today, I moved out of that house. Its a kind of liberation, though I a still legally married to him! I feel a bit relieved now, there are fewer things to remind me of him, expect for my thoughts and memories. Now, that I am alone, I hope I can give a better thought to my life and concentrate to improve my life.
I hope this new life brings me back whatever I missed.
As I was struggling to forget my husband, I made my life too busy in a hope that I would not get time to think about past or him or our time together. Alas! I was so so wrong :(.
I started getting up early, starting work early, then joined a gym and made sure I come home dead tired! I was under impression that I think about him when I am idle, which in a way was correct! When I as not doing anything, I was reminiscing about past. But, when someone is such an important part of your life, you think about that person unknowingly, subconsciously …all the time.
I think about him when I cook, when I travel…. I see and imagine us together when I see smiling couples around me…at work, in trains, on roads, on traffic lights. I wonder about what our life would be like now if we were still together. There is no limit to where your mind can take you.
Whether I am alone or in a crowd, I miss him, crave for him, his touch…think about him. I don’t need any time to do so as he is a part of me and I guess will always be, no matter how far he is!!
As I am living separately and I almost know that we are never going to reconcile (unless some miracle happens) , I have learnt a few things which help me live a normal (not-so-normal) life!!
Earlier I had lot of bitter feelings against him as I thought I have been giving a lot to our relation and dint get what I deserve in return. And he did exactly the same. After doing it for sometime, I realised I was making my life miserable. It’s not easy to live with hatred or bitterness for anyone…especially for someone who was close to you once.
And, now I have started, or atleast trying genuinely, to love myself and forgive himself. I feel bad for what happened to me and accept it as a part of my journey called life. It was in my destiny and I had to face it. just think that our marriage did not work. While , he is doing exactly opposite. He blames me for everything, thinks I was the only one wrong in our marriage and hates me.
I don’t wish anything bad for him…never, but I know with those feelings, he would never be able to move on with his life. I want to be happy again in life and the same for him. This is one reason I try to talk to him so that he can take all bitterness out but he doesn’t listen at all.
Have you been through these situations? How can you help someone like him?
NO. Yes that’s right! One can never forget one’s love..however short-lived it was..however bitter the breakup was…whatever the misunderstandings existed. The feelings linger on forever.
Atleast this is what is happening to me and I know it’s the same for him as well. He doesn’t accept it because of his male ego and I have stopped expressing because of fear of rejection. It’s so true about whatever they say about LOVE:
Love is blind … yes, you just love someone..without thinking about consequences.
Love never dies… it’s such a beautiful feeling even when it is hurtful!
Everything is fair in love and war….yes…it always treats you with extremes of feelings…pleasure or sorrow.
Love only changes forms….from passion to need to craving to deep care… but it stays there forever. And as long as its there, it continues to make your life worthwhile!!
I have been in a broken, damaged relationship since quite sometime now. It hurts to realise every single moment that he is ignoring my love, care and feelings.
When I am my most vulnerable self and miss being loved, hugged, touched and kissed… there is this someone who wants to be with me. Mr. X does not love me emotionally…he just wants me physically!! And I see him almost everyday. It’s difficult to resist talking to him… but I have successfully managed to do so for 40 days now. I don’t want to mess up right now with anyone. I still love my spouse and care for him. But I am human too. I deeply deeply miss being loved. Sometimes I just want to be held close and hugged tightly…like he used to do for me!!
I know I will never do it because of the person I am. I know we want to do so any things…but we cannot always do what we want to do. Socially, Morally, ethically…there are so any obligations. And I believe we have to live with what we do. I am responsible and answerable to myself if not to others. Don’t want to do anything which I would not want my spouse to do.
I hope I will be able to maintain my dignity and integrity in these difficult times!!