Tag Archives: Divorce

I still love him… will always do so… but I don’t want him anymore!

I recently came to know that my marriage was all about money, long before I realised it and in a much worse way than I could ever imagine!

He took money from account and gave it to his family! Well, that’s not what I want to write about in this post. What has happened has happened! I loved him, with all I had and being my first love , he is not easy to forget. I still do love him and I don’t think I can ever stop doing so! This thing and feeling amazes me as well! But yes, its true, I do love him.

There is a big difference though. I don’t long for him now… not anymore. I don’t think about him when I see people in love, I don’t miss him.. I don’t imagine y life with him or without him. I have detached myself from him. It’s hard to understand these things. I would not believe myself that it is possible to feel so if it had not happened to me personally.

Whatever happens, happens for good! Good to know that it was never a true love from his side. My heart goes out to all the people who go through these things!

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What else can he take from me??

 

Life after breakup or during the ugly time when you are trying to come out is very difficult. I have heard lot of people telling me that I am lucky that I am (or will be) out of this miserable relationship before its too late! The fact that I am still at an age where I can find new partner, no having kids, having a successful career are the things they count for in my favour!

I have another, not so optimistic, perspective on this whole thing.  For me , sometimes it is like is there anything anyone else can take away from me?? I loved him with all my heart and soul, did everything possible to keep and make him happy and still it all failed catastrophically!

Today, I am in a situation where,

— I feel no-one ever loves anyone, it’s all give and take.

— I think no one is trustworthy.

— I think goodness is not for real. People who seem nice are too good to be true!

— I doubt, doubt and doubt every person, especially the male species.

— I think behind every good thing said or done to me by anyone, there is some false evil intention.

After all this, do breakups ever prove to be good. Maybe the time will tell!

 

Not Happy but not even that miserable!!

 

Living separate from my husband (even writing this now has a strange feeling!) , I am slowly discovering that life is possible without him. I can’t say that I am happy because I do feel lonely! But, I can definitely say that I am not as miserable as I was with him. And, that really does matter to how I look at things in my life now!

A research showed that out of 10 marriages in world, 3 are happy, 3 end up in divorce and the rest 4 are the most miserable ones. These are the ones in which partners are not happy with each other but still try to keep the dead relationship alive. it might due to several reasons, social pressure, financial security, having no other options or being too optimistic that things might be OK one day. I am fortunate that I have not ended up in such situation.

People say that nothing remains forever. Good times or bad times… all are phases in life!! I hope life will unfold a pleasant surprise for me soon!!

I will never be judgemental again!!

 

People change a lot after going through breakups and divorces and so have I.

It’s so easy to pass comments over some one or what someone did. it feels like a great sense of achievement. But in true sense, no one ever has right or enough sense to do so, that’s what I have learnt in last few months.

No one has gone through what you have… no one can really feel your pain or emotions , however close the person is to you! I can say that based on my own experience. I still miss my husband and the moments I spent with him. However bad he does to me, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop missing him. I am often scolded by my dad and friends about the way I feel for him because they think I hurt myself and are amazed at how can I still love him like that! All of them have a list of Do’s and Dont’s for me about him.

The reason is very very simple, none of them have shared what I have him, so how can they even think of judging whether my feelings for him are justified or not! It’s just not fair.

After this realisation, I have felt a change in myself. I never quote someone as right or wrong. A married person , unhappy in marriage, wants to be with me. It used to trouble me for long …how could he do this? How could he even think about it? But do I know at he has gone through?? why should I judge him by what he feels or thinks? Whether I want to be with him or not is a different story but wanting or not wanting something..liking or disliking something is never wrong!

All of us have different personalities, different aspirations, challenges and we have been through different experiences which has made us what we are today! We are all good in our own way and bad in our own way!

Do you also feel like that sometimes??

Friendship in every relation!

This broken relation has taught me quite a lot and am sill learning.

There’s this funny thing in the way horoscopes are matched in India and one of things that are matched is “Grah- Maitri” which translates to “Friendship at Home”.

It really makes me ponder over one element missing in my failed marriage. Yes, Friendship!!

We were never good friends with each other. We were husband and wife, Man and woman, but friends….never. When I talked to him, very often I used to think before speaking. conversation did not flow on its own. Even when things were not so bad, there was a feeling in back of the mind about what will he think, should I really say/do this, how will he react?? This just takes out all the comfort and warmth from a relation.

I wanted to speak my mind with him, just be MYSELF all the time… I wanted to show him my best as well as my worst! Maybe, he wanted the same?? But, it never did turn out to be a beautiful friendship. Rather, it was a marriage without friendship!

I hope I have learnt some lesson and my next partner will be my best buddy before anything else!!

A New Life!!

New things and beginnings are always exciting. People have things to look forward to and plan and think about.

I too started a kind of new life today. But mine is a different case. I have moved out of my house today..it was a home for me once upon a time!! It turned into just a house few months ago after so many issues and complexities. Never thought those shit things could happen to me. Alas, those few months were the hardest of my life!!

Today, I moved out of that house. Its a kind of liberation, though I a still legally married to him! I feel a bit relieved now, there are fewer things to remind me of him, expect for my thoughts and memories. Now, that I am alone, I hope I can give a better thought to my life and concentrate to improve my life.

I hope this new life brings me back whatever I missed.

How I got over a broken relationship ….

 

It was very very difficult and seemingly impossible at times to come out of the broken relationship a month ago. I went for counselling with few people and finally figured out what I needed, upto some extent atleast.

What I was doing wrong??

1) I was thinking only about the good times that we had together and asking myself the questions what went wrong and what wrong did I do?

It’s good to have sweet cherishable memories but when things don’t move as beautifully, these memories poison our lies. They hurt and hurt so much that life seems to be full of despair only.

2) I talked about my problems with family and close friends on a regular basis. This used to make me feel light which is good momentarily. But that did one invisibly bad thing to myself. When people console you for what is happening to you, you actually stop looking for solutions within yourself. The fact is this was my fight and I had to figure out how to overcome the sorrows and come out of it.

3) I kept trying, in vain. This made me so vulnerable and weak emotionally. When I needed strength, I was weakening myself actually.

What did I do to overcome it??

1) I thought about the bad he did to me. Yes!!! It helped me dislike him (can’t hate him still!). This was necessary for me to love myself again.

2) I have stopped sharing everything with others. I try to ponder over things myself, however long it takes and however it hurts me. I try to think what I should and should do. I might take advice later about my decisions. I might do something wrong, but that is how I will learn, after falling.

3) Counselling from strangers. They give unbiased advices. They don’t have a so-called soft corner for me. They might point out my mistakes more bluntly, but that’s truly required.

4) I tried to strong against him. Stopped crying in front of him. Hung up on him… made him feel how it feels when you are not hard and ignored. Not that I want to do ‘tit-for-tat’ all the time, but he has to be shown a mirror!! (This came from one of the counselling sessions )

I hope it can help some of the people going to the same unfortunate things I am going through.

What have you done to come out of such situations??