Tag Archives: Life

I still love him… will always do so… but I don’t want him anymore!

I recently came to know that my marriage was all about money, long before I realised it and in a much worse way than I could ever imagine!

He took money from account and gave it to his family! Well, that’s not what I want to write about in this post. What has happened has happened! I loved him, with all I had and being my first love , he is not easy to forget. I still do love him and I don’t think I can ever stop doing so! This thing and feeling amazes me as well! But yes, its true, I do love him.

There is a big difference though. I don’t long for him now… not anymore. I don’t think about him when I see people in love, I don’t miss him.. I don’t imagine y life with him or without him. I have detached myself from him. It’s hard to understand these things. I would not believe myself that it is possible to feel so if it had not happened to me personally.

Whatever happens, happens for good! Good to know that it was never a true love from his side. My heart goes out to all the people who go through these things!

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What else can he take from me??

 

Life after breakup or during the ugly time when you are trying to come out is very difficult. I have heard lot of people telling me that I am lucky that I am (or will be) out of this miserable relationship before its too late! The fact that I am still at an age where I can find new partner, no having kids, having a successful career are the things they count for in my favour!

I have another, not so optimistic, perspective on this whole thing.  For me , sometimes it is like is there anything anyone else can take away from me?? I loved him with all my heart and soul, did everything possible to keep and make him happy and still it all failed catastrophically!

Today, I am in a situation where,

— I feel no-one ever loves anyone, it’s all give and take.

— I think no one is trustworthy.

— I think goodness is not for real. People who seem nice are too good to be true!

— I doubt, doubt and doubt every person, especially the male species.

— I think behind every good thing said or done to me by anyone, there is some false evil intention.

After all this, do breakups ever prove to be good. Maybe the time will tell!

 

I will never be judgemental again!!

 

People change a lot after going through breakups and divorces and so have I.

It’s so easy to pass comments over some one or what someone did. it feels like a great sense of achievement. But in true sense, no one ever has right or enough sense to do so, that’s what I have learnt in last few months.

No one has gone through what you have… no one can really feel your pain or emotions , however close the person is to you! I can say that based on my own experience. I still miss my husband and the moments I spent with him. However bad he does to me, I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to stop missing him. I am often scolded by my dad and friends about the way I feel for him because they think I hurt myself and are amazed at how can I still love him like that! All of them have a list of Do’s and Dont’s for me about him.

The reason is very very simple, none of them have shared what I have him, so how can they even think of judging whether my feelings for him are justified or not! It’s just not fair.

After this realisation, I have felt a change in myself. I never quote someone as right or wrong. A married person , unhappy in marriage, wants to be with me. It used to trouble me for long …how could he do this? How could he even think about it? But do I know at he has gone through?? why should I judge him by what he feels or thinks? Whether I want to be with him or not is a different story but wanting or not wanting something..liking or disliking something is never wrong!

All of us have different personalities, different aspirations, challenges and we have been through different experiences which has made us what we are today! We are all good in our own way and bad in our own way!

Do you also feel like that sometimes??

Its better to be a dumper than a dumpee!

 

Broken relationships are bad for both the parties, but still dumper is on a vantage position as compared to the dumpee. I can this from my personal experience  as I am on the disadvantaged side :(.

When someone dumps you, he/she has already taken a decision so they don’t really have to face he struggle of “moving over” or “moving out of it”. And take my words of it, it’s harder than the breakup itself. It gets even harder when the dumper does not give you the reasons for it and you really don’t know why you were being dumped!

I have never dumped someone (have been in only one relationship and that has proved to be daunting enough for me) , so I cannot comment on how that side of fence looks like but I feel pretty certain its better than what I feel for myself now. Atleast they wouldn’t think about the questions that I have in my mind:

— Why the hell was I dumped???

— Why did it happen so suddenly.. as it being planned since long and I was the only moron who din’t have a clue?

— What now?? How do I forget him/her??

— Will he/she come back??

— Should I try to bring him /her back??

— How long should I wait before its very certain that IT IS OVER??

And many more……

I am not saying dumpee is the only person who suffers…but they certainly suffer more! So, be smart and be the dumper next time … lol ..kidding!!

My life’s Dilemma

 

 

I have just created this blog to pen down my thoughts anonymously because I think i need to do that. I need to pour down my feelings as it is getting overwhelming for me to bear alone.

Sometimes, it becomes hard to talk to people and friends we already know. They become almost like strangers. Also, I need people who are going through the same things to know and understand me.

I am going to write straight from my heart here…whatever it is!