Tag Archives: Marriage

Not Happy but not even that miserable!!

 

Living separate from my husband (even writing this now has a strange feeling!) , I am slowly discovering that life is possible without him. I can’t say that I am happy because I do feel lonely! But, I can definitely say that I am not as miserable as I was with him. And, that really does matter to how I look at things in my life now!

A research showed that out of 10 marriages in world, 3 are happy, 3 end up in divorce and the rest 4 are the most miserable ones. These are the ones in which partners are not happy with each other but still try to keep the dead relationship alive. it might due to several reasons, social pressure, financial security, having no other options or being too optimistic that things might be OK one day. I am fortunate that I have not ended up in such situation.

People say that nothing remains forever. Good times or bad times… all are phases in life!! I hope life will unfold a pleasant surprise for me soon!!

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I am more hurt when my loved ones are hurt because of my breakup…

 

Breakups are never easy..for anyone, not even for the person who initiates it! I never initiated it and was against it right from the beginning, which did really hurt me a lot…actually ripped my heart off initially.

It took me a while to accept that it’s never going to work now. I made a kind of silent agreement with my destiny. It’s  part of life, happens to lot of people and all the generic consolations. And for the great and supportive friends, I was not that bad, I mean I have seen people in worse conditions than me.

But, I can never forgive him and whoever it is for hurting my family… my parents and my sister. They have not done anything wrong, why should they suffer. I know they can’t be happy when life is being so unfair with me like this. But, they haven’t done anything to deserve this. They feel my pain…and maybe feel it more..that’s what family and love is all about I guess.

This is the reason I want to show him what pain is like. I closely knit family, its only the relation that breaks, lots of hearts, hopes are broken too. And somethings can never be mended!

I will make sure that the person who hurt my loved ones goes through the same pain, not because I want to take revenge but because if you do something wrong, it comes back to you in some form 

Am I wrong and wicked when I think like this?? Should I be feeling guilty ??

Friendship in every relation!

This broken relation has taught me quite a lot and am sill learning.

There’s this funny thing in the way horoscopes are matched in India and one of things that are matched is “Grah- Maitri” which translates to “Friendship at Home”.

It really makes me ponder over one element missing in my failed marriage. Yes, Friendship!!

We were never good friends with each other. We were husband and wife, Man and woman, but friends….never. When I talked to him, very often I used to think before speaking. conversation did not flow on its own. Even when things were not so bad, there was a feeling in back of the mind about what will he think, should I really say/do this, how will he react?? This just takes out all the comfort and warmth from a relation.

I wanted to speak my mind with him, just be MYSELF all the time… I wanted to show him my best as well as my worst! Maybe, he wanted the same?? But, it never did turn out to be a beautiful friendship. Rather, it was a marriage without friendship!

I hope I have learnt some lesson and my next partner will be my best buddy before anything else!!

Breakups : Should never have bitter feelings

As I am living separately and I almost know that we are never going to reconcile (unless some miracle happens) , I have learnt a few things which help me live a normal (not-so-normal) life!!

Earlier I had lot of bitter feelings against him as I thought I have been giving a lot to our relation and dint get what I deserve in return. And he did exactly the same. After doing it for sometime, I realised I was making my life miserable. It’s not easy to live with hatred or bitterness for anyone…especially for someone who was close to you once.

And, now I have started, or atleast trying genuinely, to love myself and forgive himself. I feel bad for what happened to me and accept it as a part of my journey called life. It was in my destiny and I had to face it.  just think that our marriage did not work. While , he is doing exactly opposite. He blames me for everything, thinks I was the only one wrong in our marriage and hates me.

I don’t wish anything bad for him…never, but I know with those feelings, he would never be able to move on with his life. I want to be happy again in life and the same for him. This is one reason I try to talk to him so that he can take all bitterness out but he doesn’t listen at all.

Have you been through these situations? How can you help someone like him?

 

How I got over a broken relationship ….

 

It was very very difficult and seemingly impossible at times to come out of the broken relationship a month ago. I went for counselling with few people and finally figured out what I needed, upto some extent atleast.

What I was doing wrong??

1) I was thinking only about the good times that we had together and asking myself the questions what went wrong and what wrong did I do?

It’s good to have sweet cherishable memories but when things don’t move as beautifully, these memories poison our lies. They hurt and hurt so much that life seems to be full of despair only.

2) I talked about my problems with family and close friends on a regular basis. This used to make me feel light which is good momentarily. But that did one invisibly bad thing to myself. When people console you for what is happening to you, you actually stop looking for solutions within yourself. The fact is this was my fight and I had to figure out how to overcome the sorrows and come out of it.

3) I kept trying, in vain. This made me so vulnerable and weak emotionally. When I needed strength, I was weakening myself actually.

What did I do to overcome it??

1) I thought about the bad he did to me. Yes!!! It helped me dislike him (can’t hate him still!). This was necessary for me to love myself again.

2) I have stopped sharing everything with others. I try to ponder over things myself, however long it takes and however it hurts me. I try to think what I should and should do. I might take advice later about my decisions. I might do something wrong, but that is how I will learn, after falling.

3) Counselling from strangers. They give unbiased advices. They don’t have a so-called soft corner for me. They might point out my mistakes more bluntly, but that’s truly required.

4) I tried to strong against him. Stopped crying in front of him. Hung up on him… made him feel how it feels when you are not hard and ignored. Not that I want to do ‘tit-for-tat’ all the time, but he has to be shown a mirror!! (This came from one of the counselling sessions )

I hope it can help some of the people going to the same unfortunate things I am going through.

What have you done to come out of such situations??

 

 

What helps me survive the stress of a breakup????

It’s difficult to part with anything which is yours.. and is much more difficult if its about a relationship like a marriage. When you are friends with someone and something goes wrong, it makes you uncomfortable. Being in a marriage, getting emotionally, physically and personally attached to someone makes you so vulnerable and the pain separation inflicts on you is unbearable.

inspite of all the pain, I am able to kaugh a few laughters lot of times because of priceless blessings called freinds. Yes, friends are an important part of my life throughout. I might have failed to make my marriage work but I makine friends and keeping them has never been hard. Friends have always valued, loved and admired me and they still do. Sometimes, it sounds weird to me about the stark difference between my relation with my husband and that with my friends.

But friends have kept me going and prevented me from going insane during this crazy period. They have made me realise my potential, made me feel that i am a beautiful person and that wrong things can happen to anyone. I am blessed with a loving great supportive family. These are the people who fill the void in my life. They can never take place of my partner , I know that but they can make me see that life doesn’t end and that I can start a new one!

God bless my friends and family and may everyone who goes through this have such friends and family!

 

 

Clash of my mind and my heart!

 

It’s often very very difficult to cope up with situations when mind and heart goes in entirely opposite directions.  And thats exactly what I am going through now. The conflict happens lot of times but in most cases either heart or mind overpowers the other and we know the way out. But not always!

My heart is still invested into my marriage inspite of all the rough times. It still thinks and hopes that this is  just not real and everything will be good again …like it was one day. It doesn’t understand circumstances and even pure denial. it just hopes that a miracle will happen suddenly.

My mind knows the more clear facts and hence it fears that the relationship is about to die. It prepares me to mourn and gives every possible excuse to the heart to prove that its wrong to hope for anything better.

I don’t know what will happen because this clash and conflict is driving me crazy. I want one of them to win so that I can move on, whether it is in the relationship or being single again. I want to be happy again. I want to live a normal life like I used to do before. I hope that will happen someday……